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Flugfunksprüche 02

Pilot: "Portland approach, United 910, the first officer has the airport in sight."
Controller: "United 910, the first officer is cleared to land."
Pilot: "Uh – can the captain land too?"

Pilot: "Arlington Unicom, Cardinal 1234, request airport advisory."
Controller: "Active is 34, altimeter 30.04, wind 270 at 44, left hand pattern."
Pilot: "Say wind again."
Controller: "Wind 270 at 44."
Pilot: "Oh – time to go home and take a nap."

Controller: "Franceair 1234 confirm your type of aircraft. Are you an Airbus 330 or 340?"
Pilot: "A 340 of course."
Controller: "Then would you mind switching on the two other engines and give me a 1000 feet per minute, please."

Controller: "Mission 53712, climb to flight level 240!"
Pilot: "Sorry, radar, but this turkey does not climb higher."

Pilotenschüler: "Tower, please speak slow, I am a baby in English and lonely in the cockpit."

Controller: "Eurowing 7133 turn right heading 100 or even 110."
Pilot: "Okay, nehmen wir die Hälfte, turning right heading 105."

Controller: "New Zealand 451, descend and maintain 5000, there is a domestic flight B 737."
Pilot: "Descend and maintain 5000, New Zealand 451."
Controller: "New Zealand 451, could you track direct Glenbruck 'prominent landmark' please."
Pilot: "We can anything you like."
Controller: "That could be interesting ..."

Lehrer zum Flugschüler, der eine Notlandung simulieren soll: "Haben Sie sich für ein Terrain entschieden, wo Sie runtergehen wollen?"
Flugschüler: "Ja, den Ackerweg da drüben, gleich neben der Landebahn."
Lehrer: "Neben der Landebahn? Warum neben der Bahn, ist was nicht in Ordnung mit der Piste?"
Flugschüler: "Nein, aber Sie sagten doch, das sei eine Notlandung."

Pilot: "Radar, UKA 172 localizer established."
Controller: "UKA 172 descend on the ILS, can you maintain 170 knots to four miles DME?"
Pilot: "Depends on the flap setting."
Controller: "Roger, UKA 172, select a flap setting which permits 170 knots to four miles."

Controller: "AF 1733, you are on an eight mile final for 27 R. You have a UH-1 three miles ahead of you on final. Reduce speed to 130 knots."
Pilot: "Roger, Frankfurt. We're bringing this big bird back to one-hundred and thirty knots for you."
Controller (etwas später): "AF 33, helicopter traffic at 90 knots now one and a half miles ahead of you. Reduce speed further to 110 knots."
Pilot: "AF thirty-three reducing this bird back further to 110 knots."
Controller: "AF 33, you are three miles to touchdown, helicopter traffic now one mile ahead of you. Reduce speed to 90 knots."
Pilot (pikiert): "Sir, do you know what the stall speed of this C-130 is?"
Controller: "No, but if you ask your co-pilot, he can probably tell you."

Pilot: "Radar, N 878, it's very bumpy here at FL 80."
Controller: "N 878, roger, do you request descend?"
Pilot: "My wife yes, but it's okay for me."

Controller: "Citation 584, if you stop calling me Center I'll stop calling you a twin Cessna!"

Controller: "Bonanza Five Eight Six Four Juliett, you have traffic at your two o'clock position, opposite direction at 8000 feet!"
Pilot: "Bonanza 5864J, we do not see the traffic at two o'clock. But we have traffic at ten o'clock."
Controller: "This was a test, Six Four Juliett, and you passed!"

Controller: "Japanair 123, confirm you are on course to ARURA?"
Pilot: "Ah, logel, logel."
Controller: "No, no, Sir. Not to LOGEL. It is not on your route!"

Controller: "Delta Quebec Alpha, fliegen Sie in die Kontrollzone auf Steuerkurs zwo vier null bis zum Anschneiden des Endanfluges Landebahn 14 R."
Pilot: "Fliege in Kontrollzone auf Steuerkurs zwo vier null bis zum Endeinschlag auf der 14 R."

Pilot: "Washington Radar, United 916, we have just been struck by a tremendous lightning!"
Controller: "United 916, roger, do you have any problems?"
Pilot: "Not really, we just have to change our underwear."

Pilot: "D-LE, VFR nach Frankfurt, erbitte Roll-Info."
Turm: "Zum Tor mit der Lichtschranke, danach rechts auf die Bundesstrasse und dann immer den Schildern nach."

Absetzpilot: "Düsseldorf Radar, Guten Tag, D-EFCC, Deppenwerfen over Meiersberg, request to climb to flight level 100."

Pilot: "Tower, say again. Reading you only five."

Pilot: "McGuire Approach, Piper one two three four requesting flight following."
Controller: "Piper two three four, say your final destination."
Pilot: "Piper two three four is going to East 60th Street Manhatten."

Während eines Überführungsfluges zweier Huskys:
Las Vegas Departure: "Delta Echo India Charlie India climb and maintain 11.000, confirm you are a pair of Huskys."
Pilot: "Recleared up to eleven thousand. Negative on pair, we are a couple, a male and a female Husky."
Las Vegas Departure: "Understand, you are climbing now 11.000, but you have a big problem leaving your planes over night in the same hangar."
Pilot: "Affirm, check with Byron or Graupner for results."

Während eines Absetzfluges:
Controller: "Sind die Springer schon draussen?"
Pilot: "Na ja..., draussen sind sie schon, aber sie hängen an der Strebe und schneiden mir Grimassen."

Controller: "LH 1234 give me a good rate of climb."
Pilot: "Okay, 4000."
Anderer Pilot (auf derselben Frequenz): "Habt Ihr heute keine Passagiere?"
Pilot: "Wenn wir keine Passagiere haben, machen wir 7000!"

Ein Tower-Lotse bemerkt an einer amerikanischen Transportmaschine im Landeanflug, dass das Fahrwerk nicht ausgefahren ist. Der Pilot der Maschine ist als Rauhbein bekannt, deshalb der vorsichtige Hinweis des Tower-Lotsen: "US Air 224, your gear seems not to be in place, Sir."
Pilot: "You operate your tower, I operate my aircraft, okay?"

Approach (Shannon): "Shamrock 228, do you read me?"
Pilot: "Well, I don't read you, but I hear you five by five."

Controller (London): "Cubana 438, you're cleared Dover VOR direct."
Pilot: "Understand cleared Koksy VOR?"
Controller: "Okay, cleared Koksy VOR ..."

Pilot: "LH 2506, Tegel Ground, request taxi."
Ground: "LH 2506, as number two to the hold runway 26 right via SM, TR then backtrack 26 left."
Pilot (schon sehr später Abend): "... we'll follow the company ..."

Flugschüler: "Jeffco tower this is Cessna N21R on final for runway 11."
Tower: "Cessna N21R you are not on final. Final is when you don't have to turn anymore to get to the runway."

Auf der Tower-Frequenz von Berlin Tegel.
Pilot: "... request runway two eight left."
Tower: "... äh, die zwo acht müssen wir vorher noch'n bisschen planieren. Würden Sie solange mit der null acht vorlieb nehmen?"

Pilot: "Request runway 27."
Controller: "Unable."
Pilot: "Approach, do you know that the wind at six thousand is 270 at fifty?"
Controller: "Yeah, we do, and if we could jack up the airport to 6000, you could have that runway, expect runway 14."

Controller: "Air Force five four, it appears that your engine has... Oh, disregard, I see you've already ejected."

Controller: "Japan Air Ten Heavy, how about a radio check?"
Pilot: "Lojah, switching."

Pilot: "How far behind the traffic are we?"
Controller: "Three miles."
Pilot: "That does not look like three miles."
Controller: "You are a mile and a half from him and he is a mile and a half from you, that's three miles, cleared visual approach."

Pilot: "EWG 006, we're ready for departure."
Tower: "Roger, stand by one moment. I've to watch the preceding departed Fokker 50."
Pilot: "... Must be breathtaking!"

Fluglehrer: "Also, beginnen wir mal mit was ganz Einfachem: Fliegen Sie bitte waagerecht geradeaus."
Flugschüler: "Was wollen Sie zuerst haben?"

Pilot: "Approach, how far are we from the airport in minutes?"
Controller: "N63MG, the faster you go, the quicker you'll get there."

Controller: "Skywagon 63MG, sure you can have 8 miles behind the HEAVY, there will be a Delta 1011 trijet between you and him."

Controller: "Climb like your life depends on it, because it does."

Controller: "Put the airplane in your compass on N and get out of my air-space."

Pilot: "London, Midland 325, we have a problem."
Controller: "Midland 325, London, what's the nature of your problem?"
Pilot: "We have severe vibration in our port engine."
Controller: "Roger, Midland 325, you're two miles south of Luton."
Pilot: "Thank you, London, it's not that severe ..."

Pilot: "Approach, what is our sequence?"
Controller: "Calling for sequence, I missed your callsign, but if I find out what it is, you're the last."

Controller (nach Schichtwechsel): "Attention all aircraft: previous controller is no longer a factor."

Pilot: "Ground, Lufthansa 1130, request start-up to Düsseldorf."
Ground: "Well, Lufthansa 1130, we have a flightplan to Leipzig! Would you ask your passengers where they like to go?"

Pilot: "Ground, Husky XX request airtaxi to the active."
Ground: "What is airtaxi?"
Pilot: "Airtaxi is taxiing without the wheels on the taxiway."
Ground: "... Cleared to airtaxi, no speed restriction, runway 26, call the tower for airtaxi take-off."

Pilot: "London, Shuttle 3 B, with you, approaching – (Geräusch von Husten und Spucken) – Bovingdon. Sorry about that – had a mouthfull of muesli. What are the delays like this morning?"
Controller: "About 15 minutes, Shuttle 3 B, time for another bowl ..."

Pilot: "Tower, this is Charlie four seven five, please say temperature in Celsius."
Tower: "Sorry, Charlie four seven five, we only have time in Fahrenheit."

Controller: "Delta Yankee Zulu, you're gonna have to press the push-to-talk-switch if you are talking to me, 'cause I can't see when you nodd your head."

Controller: "Condor 324, about three miles ahead you've got traffic 12 o'clock five miles."

Controller: "British 423, radio check?"
Pilot: "2000 feet per minute, British 423."
Controller: "British 423, I mean radio check ..."
Pilot: "Say again."
Controller: "British 423, a radio check, please."
Pilot: "Oh, I see – well, obviously not very good!"

Pilot: "Approach, Lufthansa 1635, what is this aircraft doing at my altitude?"
Approach: "Lufthansa 1635, what makes you think it is your altitude, Captain?"

Tower: "Delta Zulu Zulu advise when ready to copy clearance."
Pilot: "Go ahead, Sir."
Tower: "Delta Zulu Zulu cleared to Berlin Schönefeld after Sylt NDB direct to Brünkendorf VOR, squawk 4016. After departure contact Bremen Radar on 128.77."
Pilot: "Delta Zulu Zulu is cleared to Berlin Schönefeld via Elbe 4 Sierra departure flight planned route, squawk 7345 after departure Bremen Radar on 123.6."
Tower: "Naja ... fast."

Pilot: "Denver Center, Great America 123 with you at flight level 280, smooth as a gravy sandwich."
Controller: "Great America 123, expect some lumps in that sandwich. A United jet 20 miles ahead reported light to moderate turbulence."

Controller: "DEIDU, you are clear of airspace Charlie."
Kunstflug-Schüler: "Cleared for airspace Charlie, DEIDU."
(Ost-)Kunstflug-Lehrer: "Ach ihr Wessis mit euerm Englisch ..."

Controller: "Herkey 25, do you intend to execute a low or a high TACAN-approach into Ramstein?"
Pilot: "Affirm."
Controller: "Affirm what?"
Pilot: "Affirm, Sir?"

Approach-Controller (genervt): "Will the Seneca with the gravelly voice and the bad radio please stand by!"

Controller: "November 256 MR, do you have ground contact?"
Pilot: "We can see the ground, but we'll reserve contact for the runway."

Lademeister (einer Cargo 707 zum ersten Mal auf dem Pilotensitz, drückt versehentlich die Sendetaste): "Hey, this is great! I see, why you pilots like this seat so much, you can see everything from here. This is just like Starship Enterprise. All ahead Mister Sulu, warp factor ten!"
Controller: "You wanna get back on Intercom, you are transmitting on my frequency, Captain Kirk."

Pilot (very british, während einer aufwendigen Radarführung): "Arrival, do you paint your name on your screen?"

Controller: "Mooney 3898H, traffic at your ten o'clock, a Learjet."
Pilot: "I have traffic in sight."
Controller: "98H, follow the Lear for right traffic to runway 31."
Pilot: "Roger. I know Mooneys are known to be fast, but you'll have to beam me up some booster rockets if you want me to keep up."
Controller: "Sorry, our transporter is down at the moment. So do the best you can and contact tower."

Fluglehrer: "How do you judge altitude during the flare?"
Flugschüler: "It's easy: I continue the approach until you stiffen up, then I pull back."

Controller: "Lufthansa 1234 squawk 2330."
Pilot: "Should be on."
Controller: "Sorry, Lufthansa 1234, I have no target."
Pilot (nach einer Pause): "How is that?"
Controller: "Okay, I've got your target now."
Pilot: "Das ist ein ganz neuer Flieger, bei dem geht noch nicht alles."

Controller: "XTY 234, what is the name of your airline?"
Pilot: "Dobrekayadzenorvorsky Kazak Rabote Airlines, Sir!"
Controller: "Okay, XTY 234, will do for the day, thank you."

Tower: "Stört Sie die Blitzbefeuerung rechts von Ihnen?"
Pilot: "Mich nicht, aber den Co."
Tower: "Gut, dann müssen Sie eben fliegen."

Turm (fragt ergänzend nach dem Flugzeugmuster): "Und was ist Ihr Typ?"
Pilot: "Rothaarig."

Diese Sprüche stammen aus dem Buch "Rodscher zwo"

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